Balloonman Bill’s Riposte

Jake. I am stunned! Boosted though, wow, after reading your incisive review of the DVD Phil sent you of one MISTER MORRISON The BALLOONMAN show. And yes, I do consider it a 'show'. Your review is pretty much all inclusive too, far as covering the bases what a person wants to know about the subject from a good review.  What does the guy do and does he do it good or bad or eh, so what? Who is he? Where in the world is he coming from. What is the value of his place compared to others before, now and after? Where is headed or is he stuck in place? Of course I couldn't have said it better, on the contrary. My frustration is that I never have  figured what exactly I do, leastwise as for catagorizing it. Though early on I leaned to PERFORMANCE ART television.  But as you suggested " . . . I would venture that even Mr. Morrison could not, or at least would not, answer (at least not intelligibly)." I won't try too hard although hints may slip out midst the monkey gibberish who I am and about, unconsciously (naturally). Which in talking about this to you might unravel clues before my very own eyes. I doubt it. And so what if I find out what I am about (and of course I REALLY do know that. Doing what comes naturally, naturally because I chose to what came pretty naturally, working off what is god given as well as what wasn't. (Where was I when the really good brains were passed out?)

I AM urged, apparently having little choice but to go with the CALLING, without that much consideration for championing a fortutious result or fit where the money is. But say suddenly like magic I know how to put it together? (Rather isn't it, WANT TO HARD ENUF TO WORK MY TAIL OFF to get terrific results consistantly)? What then?  Well we will never know since I never did work up a sweat day in and day out like a man obsessed must be to achieve high success, and apparently if past performance is enuf example and proof, never will.

But say I know now what I am about and how to confine it, this Act of mine, ratchet tight focus on what works and laser package it and energetically expose and distribute this new mint coherant Act. Most important, to reiterate, willing to work my ass off to make it happen. What am I even talking like this for? I am lazy to begin with and I am old and it is likely near too late besides. But imagine that I wised up, miraculously changed bad habits, eliminate even some of that which makes me what I am, rid the garbage that makes for self-defeat far as explosive bigtime, and consequent my energetic efforts I am finally in demand for these talk shows that you say noway will Leno or Letterman ever have me on.  So? I could be a winner mainstream then eh.

You, a masterful reviewer, give seemingly impentetrable reasons for any host worth their format salt rejecting me. Your reasons sure sounded right on to me anyway. Course I am so enamored by getting any attention and in particular intelligent, clearly perceptive analysis that all in all gives me some respect and then some, that easily I accept my many weak spots outlined but tickled overall with weight favored in good review I am more than assuaged.  Besides I saw me though your interpretations as being pretty doggone right on for the most part. Whatever. As I say, I couldn't say it, and you did. Though I know it.  It is a fine review. Terrific. Helps me see some things, articulated. A gift alright, kind of a gift can be used over and over like a tool.

I take issue on one observation, most of which are surgical far as the show's scattershot thrust and nailing MM's character and his place in the scheme of . . . "free cable" at least, if not generic cable and network TV offerings. By the way, tying me in with the Masters of late-nite, LENO and LETTERMAN, is a sweet touch and allows you to contrast the way commercial broadcast talk show hosts are, why I will never be asked to guest, and what it would be like if a MM was allowed this primetime venue to vent. I love this: "For in such a world (" . . . a brave new world that will never ((we pray)) come into being.") one that Mr. Morrison's demented armchair ravings obscurely and extremely indirectly herald--a world perfect in its total embracing of all imperfections--there would be no talk show hosts, no TV dinners, no TV at all, and so no Bill Morrison persona. Life would be far too interesting and bizarre to require such dubious means for killing time." Absolutely! The guru, so to speak, out gurus his reason to guru any longer.

One 'issue' leaps out right off: " . . . his eyes do not seek refuge in self-justifying internal reassurance. He is a man beyond shame . . . "  Considering my forays into territory in which I am ignorant and unfamiliar but moreover my considerable play admittedly on my lack of authority to be engaged at all I would think, on the contrary, that my eyes DO reveal shame and insecurity. But perhaps, considering how embarrassed I often feel, I use it controlled like an actor crying but not crying even though inside he is screaming or is it visa versa, But I can't 'see' myself like a viewer, reviewer. I hide that. my shame? Apparently. But we must remember, what I do is an ACT front and center, that is core, it is an Act. An Act close to me for sure but not altogether first generation REAL for sure. Another thing, perhaps the unshowingness of insecurity and related such is because as you observe, (he) "remains unflinching in his incoherence." Beautiful.

My "solipsism is at times wearisome".  You said it! I think so. Absolutely and as you say " . . . as much as it is (evidently) to Mr. Morrison himself." It, this willingness to reveal me stupidly, amazes me too. Except of course right off the bat hearing my wearisomeness I decided, aside appreciating my strengths, to exploit that but entertainingly, explit weaknesses but structure them to elicit even laughs. Weaknesses becoming even heart material. I accepted being embarrassing, boring, making a fool of myself knowing that I was all of that. And for way too long for too many moments. Trying not to be too long too bad though. Making an honest-to-god fool of myself but catching up to entertaining _expression before it becomes apparent I really am.

By the way, no pun is intended relating to your analysis  " . . . transcends the self-imposed role of monkey, and dimly, dimly begins to resemble a god. A TV god, for sure, the diety of petty domain . . . " Love that Jake. Though the monkey analogy I don't quite get, other than none of us may be not far removed anyway. But of course, solipsism can only be entertaining if it is a flashing sprinkle of flavor, doesn't linger and linger, and thus really wearisome. I do lose control. Become really bad. I think it is because exhausted from a flow of blabber I do hear myself fed up and weary, so I AM wearisome, have no choice but to play it out since I work of an honesty of sort, my source actually for the grist grind. That part of the Act if it was a moment or two okay, but the actual wearisome part is wearisome and should end immediately for a good show. I would just as soon this wearisome dimension (though real enuf and thus for me legitimate) be kept in the dressing room. I guess I've made that point, I hope, I hope. But working somewhat improvisationally, struggling to keep the blathering flow consistently bright and sparkling, wearisomeness, far as this idiosyncratic, C plus persona, short distance man, a jabber, quick inside, quick out, is concerned, can't be helped. Except by being brick clogged into some sense that I am really ruining what should be better moments for everyone concerned. Or editing eh.

What a line of mine though that you used. "It's a marvelously gloriously great ghost of a life."  Sometimes I amaze myself. It is not me anyway is it? I am in the zone and the muse is working its magic. If I had lines like that 4 times a minute for a half hour this ". . . great ghost of a guy" would surely get a shot on LENO eh. That is, if I worked my ass of to be seen for what I can do neatly in the first place.

Yes I am a Sagittarius. Dec 1. 33.

Thanks for the beforehand birthday gift Jake. So practical as it turns out for somebody works to be recognized. One of those kinds of gift one would never think to ask for but received turns out the best one of all. You can bet I will use it judiciously. Perhaps influence somebody or other with it, even become a pillar structuring up a project of some sort. I mailed a printout to my brother John today and just a couple hours ago showed it to my partner Charlie Schneider who together with me is making up a 12 minute digital film focused on MM and how is it people like this, like me, come to Hollywood and what do we expect to achieve.

Happy Brithday to me. Friend Bill